Faithless to Faith-Full

Sitting here looking over my life this year and seeing all the growth/changes in my physical and spiritual life, made me reflect over this past year and a few month ago when God told me to start this blog and to start writing about His grace and how He has saved me. If I could be honest with you all I was faithless, I doubted myself, I doubted that God could even use such a messed up broken person like me to help inspire, encourage, and love people back to Him.

In my other post "Father to the Fatherless" I touched on how when my dad passed away; not only did I lose my dad that day, but I also lost my faith in God. So when God started putting all these things on my heart to write about, He also instructed me to start this blog. At first I was like "God I can't, I can't share my mess and brokenness with people... what will they say, what will they think??" So I put it off for about a few months until God began to press it so hard on my heart that I couldn't sleep unless I began to take steps into making it and God told me that He wants to shine through my brokenness and use my mess because that is my message to bring Him glory. As I began to trust God and take those baby steps into what He was guiding me to do; I began to see my faithlessness turn into faith-fullness. It truly amazes me how God chooses to use the mess of our lives, the broken things, the unseen things, the unusual things to magnify His glory, transforming power, and strength.

When we learn to trust God and walk in faith He will protect, shield, and cover us from the plans of the enemy. No weapon formed against you shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17), that doesn't mean that the enemy won't form the weapons, because trust me he will and he will try to use them to hurt and kill us BUT they WILL NOT POSPER! I choose to believe and trust God's word! That verse continues with this: "And every tongue which rises against you in judgment, you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me, says the LORD."

You see there is no need for you to fear the judgment of people and what they will say and what they will think because you living for God and obeying Him will condemn them; that is our heritage from Lord our God. And as you continue to walk in faith He will begin to take you a little bit deeper in Him where you are going to only have the options of trusting Him or either drowning. When He is calling you into deeper levels/waters you have to make sure to keep your eyes on Him!

Throughout this incredibly long hard journey; because of my faithfulness to God, He was able to use me, ALL of me, my brokenness, my mess, my fears, even my faithlessness to reach people in different areas of life and to help encourage, inspire and show them the LOVE of Christ! What I write is not about me, BUT Him. I allow Him to lead me into what He wants me to write about next and if I'm not sure I pray about it until He confirms it either through Him speaking directly to me through His word, or spiritual leader, that is why discernment is very important you need to know what and who to listen to... My main purpose in my writing is to bring Him, and only HIM glory! :)

I hope you all have an incredibly blessed filled day!!!!! REMEMBER to stay focused on HIM! ;)

love your sis in Christ,

Joy J <3

Perfectly Imperfect

I used to love the fact that people would think that I was the "perfect Christian", that I had my life together, that I never sinned, and that I followed ALL the commandments because I went to church EVERY Sunday and Wednesday (almost every time the church doors were opened), I led worship and sang in the choir, volunteered in almost every ministry and helped out at almost every event. I would post scriptures here and there to look like I read the bible daily all the while I was secretly drowning inside from guilt, shame, depression and pain. Until God began working on me and showing me the deepest parts of my heart, the parts that were not so perfect, they might have looked good from the outside but the inside was a mess. 

I was grew up in the church, so I grew up knowing how to go through the motions and how to “look”, “act”, and “play” the part.  I used to be that girl who claimed to be a "Christian", went to church on Sundays set in a pew, raised my hands in "surrender" but the night before be in the bed with “my man”, who was supposedly a "Christian" too but he only wanted to lay his hands all over my body instead of his bible. *Just a lil sidenote for the ladies if you are ever in a relationship with a guy and he claims he's a Christian he won't be trying to feel all up on you; instead he'll be trying to protect your purity.* I was still surrendering to God but only some things, the things that I didn't really care about having control over. I was only surrendering bits and pieces of my life to Him. I was basically saying “God you can have all of me and a little bit here and there but ONLY on Sundays and Wednesdays" because every other day/night I was living the way that I wanted to live, totally not surrendered to Christ at all, in a life of sin. The bible clearly states that fornication (sex before marriage) is a sin... It also tells us to run away from it 1 Corinthians 6:18-19 says: "Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself."

I was deceived by the enemy’s lies that it was ok to have a little sex here and there as long as no one knew and I continue to go to church and raise my hands and whisper a bunch of empty praise into the air, which meant nothing to God or the devil. You see the devil doesn't care if you go to church as long as you leave the same and not changed; he's not bothered by it. But I knew God was bothered by it and wasn’t pleased with my worship because my heart, my main focus wasn’t on Him instead I was thinking about the next time I was gonna meet up with my boyfriend. I would go to church and sing and serve in so many ministries when my heart wasn’t even in the right place. Ever heard of the saying: "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car." and it's true...

“Just because your church attendance is perfect

doesn’t mean that your relationship with God is.”

My church attendance was on FLEEK! I was there all the time, so much that no one would have ever thought that my relationship with God was distorted. I knew of God but I didn't truly know Him like I do now. Sin has a way of blinding you and distorting your life, your relationships/friendships, but most importantly your relationship with God to the point you don't even know how you got that far from Him or how to even get back to Him. BUT GOD has a way of bringing you back to Him by redemption. Before you even thought about that sin God already had a plan to bring you back to Him by giving His only son to shed His blood for us! The cross made a way for us to get back to Him. His blood is enough to overwhelm you with love, wash away your sins, and draw you back to Him.

After years of disobeying God and living my own way I finally got tired of the repetitive cycle of sin, the stress, heartache, headache, the feeling of guilt and shame of going to church week after week and crying my eyes out to God asking for forgiveness but still going on sinning pretending to be living right and serving Him but I knew that the way I was living wasn't right. I finally came to a realization that that guy, sex, or any other relationship can't sustain or fully satisfy me the way that God can. I let the lies of the enemy condemn me, I felt like I was the worst person on earth, like I had committed the worst of THE worst sin. I felt like I failed God tremendously and let Him down so many times that I started to give up on my walk with God, and that's just what the enemy wanted. I felt like I would never change or I'll always be that way and that there was NO way that I could ever fix my life back to the way it used to be, and I was right because I couldn't fix my life without the help of Jesus.

A lot of people, including myself, think that just because we've messed up so many times here and there that we let God down but in all reality if you think about it we were never holding Him up, He holds us up. It's us that climb out if His mighty victorious hand and try to do our own thing. He doesn't drop us when we mess up, if anything He holds onto us even tighter; but we out of stubbornness try to do everything ourselves and create this big mess; then after we realize we aren't capable of fixing it or cleaning it up we tend to feel guilty and shameful thinking we let Him down. Well let me tell you something... first off that's a lie from the enemy he wants you to feel condemned and hide from God. Secondly God is God and He's the same yesterday, today, and forever!  Your little mistake, yes I said little, is NOTHING compared to our GREAT God. Nothing, I mean NOTHING can separate you from the love of God! ~Romans 8:38-39. One thing that I've learned is that God holds me; I don't hold Him...

You can NEVER let God down because you were NEVER holding Him up to begin with…  God knew your mistakes before you even made them and yet He still cared for you and loved you the same!  His love for you WILL always remain; it NEVER changes.

My life still to this day isn't perfect, neither is my relationship with God but I'm growing closer to Him each day and now I just can't wait to share my imperfections and how the grace of God has saved me and turned my mess into a message! Even after breaking up with my boyfriend and truly and completely surrendering to God, there are still things in my life that God is working on.. And if I'm not careful I start to think on the past things and start to feel condemned all over again but I constantly have to remember that  "There is therefore now NO condemnation to them which are in CHRIST JESUS, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." ~Romans 8:1

The enemy loves to remind me of my past and he always tries to break me and put me down, even when God placed this topic on my heart and told me to write about my imperfections and His undeserving grace and mercies the enemy condemned me, mocked me, faught me so much to the point I stopped writing for weeks because I was so overwhelmed with guilt and shame but the bible is clear when it says that "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.". -2 Corinthians 5:17 I am a new CREATION the things I used to do: I don't do them anymore, my life is completely changed by the grace and mercies of God. I thank God for His grace!

Psalm 103:12 says: "As distant as the east is from the west, that is how far He has removed our sins from us." Another version says: "As far as the eastern horizon is from the west, so he removes the guilt of our rebellious actions from us. " When we repent of our sins and turn to God He removes our sins, past, guilt, shame, pain, hurt, etc.. from us as far as the east is from the west. He remembers our sins no more, so why should we?

The next time the devil tries to bring up your past remind him of his future burning in hell because in God's eyes you don't have a past, its gone forever!

Looking back I used to be bound to people's opinion of me. Afraid of what they might think or say about me. I had no confidence what so ever... I was living in fear of people instead of fearing God, I feared rejection and acceptance. I lived to seek people's approval instead of seeking God's approval. I was lost, insecure, broken, and  hurt, BUT God delivered me! I am now found by His amazing grace, secure in His unfailing love, made whole/new in Him, and healed by His wounds... I no longer care about what people have to say about me because I know what my God says about me! And I can confidently say that I am His, He paid the price for me! And I am loved, forgiven and free, and I am made perfect through Him! ❤ And now I can't wait to tell others about my imperfections and how I'm perfected through Christ! :)

No matter what type of sin you have committed in your past, if you repented, meaning you asked God to forgive you and turned around in the opposite direction and are now truly living for Christ. He has wipe your past clean, His blood paid the price for your sins and it has washed you as white as snow! And the devil hates that because he never had a second chance to repent and so he is going to try to condemn you, deceive you, manipulate you, he's gonna try everything in his power to keep you bound to that sin because he knows the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23), he knows that if he can lie to you a little bit longer sooner or later you will die, (it doesn't necessarily mean a physical death but also a mental, emotional, or spiritual death), and end up with him in hell... Don't fall for his traps, schemes, or plans, the bible says " The thief (devil) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."~John10:10. You see Jesus came to set us free from the death grip of sin that the enemy had us in, He came to give us life and life to the fullest! He doesn't want you to live a life full of regrets and full of shame, He wants you to be free walking in confidence in Him so that you will be able to help other be freed... Never be ashamed of your imperfections, your mistakes, your mess ups, your brokenness, your flaws, whatever it may be because God is SO great, merciful, good, gracious, loving caring AMAZING and SOOOOOO much more! He wants to use you, and when I say you, I mean ALL of you (flaws and all) if you let Him!!!! EVERYTHING about you, the good, bad, and the ugly of the ugliest, He can take the ashes of your past and turn them into beauty. He can take your mess and turn it into a message, He can take your brokenness and shine through you, He can take your mistakes and use them for HIS glory!

Never, I repeat, NEVER let the enemy lie to you and condemn you making you feel like God can never use you because you're too broken, or unworthy, or you made too many mistakes in your life, or that God can't fix, heal you, or that you aren't "good enough". Well let me tell you something if you weren't "good enough" then Jesus wouldn't have gave His life for you! YOU, who ever you are reading this, YOU are more than enough! You are pretty enough! You are worth it! You are smart enough! You are good enough! Enough that God gave His ONE and only son, JESUS to save you by dying a horrific death on the cross to save you and that's why satan is trying so hard to destroy you because he knows how much you mean to God. So please don't believe the devil's lies instead believe God's TRUTH!

I love you All and I'm praying for each and everyone of you, that no matter where you are at in life that God will set you free from sin and breath into you LIFE! That when the enemy tries to condemn you or lie to you, you will know the Truth :)

Love your sis in Christ,

Joy J <3

FEAR: The Faith Crippler

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

-2 Timothy 1:7

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real  

For the past couple of weeks I've been struggling with fear, fear of the future, fear of my life living for Christ in this world and the cost that comes with it, having dreams and all. And all these negative thoughts begin to flood my mind and I begin to shrivel up inside. I began to magnify my fears and not God; I let fear be my god in those moments because I started to acknowledge them instead of the One true God who is so much BIGGER than my little fears. And as I was being bombarded by all these thoughts and different things this bible verse came to mind:



*When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the

Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.~ Isaiah 59:19

So when I began to acknowledge just how big God is and remember His word I began to pray and call out to Jesus and rebuke that spirit of fear in my life and over the situation that I was going through. And when I did that little by little I felt that spirit start to lift off of me and begin to disappear. There is POWER in the name of JESUS! The bible says even demons tremble at the mention of His name (Jeremiah 2:19)!!

Fear is a faith crippler... the enemy uses fear to cripple us Christians out of praying, worshipping, reading the bible, obeying God in certain areas of our lives that He has called us to step out in faith but we can't because we are too afraid to do so. He knows that if he can keep us in fear we are ineffective and we won't be a threat to his plans for us because we won't be able to fight back with the proper equipment.

It's time for us to fight back in FAITH! Jesus is our protector, our provider, our healer, our very present help in time of need, etc... Sad to say that this world is not going to get any better. During my quiet time one morning God showed me that we are living in the last days and the enemy is trying so very hard to take our focus off of Christ and confuse us with fear. We tend to get so caught up in life and the different things going on around us that we forget to acknowledge the One who is BIGGER than anything and who HAS control over this whole world. God had to remind me that, He is the Alpha and the Omega—the beginning and the end. He is the One who IS, Who always WAS, ...and Who is STILL to come—the Almighty One!-Revelation 1:8
And how now is not the time to freeze up in fear, shrivel, hide, or give up! Now is not the time to backslide, get mad and curse God, and compromise your faith! Now is NOT the time! It's time to repent of our sins and refocus and stay focused on Him! It's time to keep our eyes on God and stay faithful to Him! Don't let what's going in this world distract you and worry you, it's all going according to His master plan... Just in cause you forgot or didn't know, here's a reminder/spoiler for you: Jesus Christ has already overcame the world! He already WON!! “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in Me."-John 14:1

So my question is what do you do when the enemy starts to overwhelm you with fear?
1) Forget everything that the bible says and run.
2) Face what the bible says will happen and rise.

The next time fear comes knocking at your door, allow faith to answer it ;)

*Meditate and memorize these bible verses about fear:

-"So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?"~Hebrews 13:6

 -"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

- "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.  Do not be afraid, for I myself will help you,' declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel." Isaiah 41:13-14

-"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. "Isaiah 43:1

-"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

-"The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

-"Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.  Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.  Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" Luke 12:22-26

-"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22

Stay encouraged! Love you all!

Joy J <3


Father to the Fatherless

This topic has been heavy on my heart for sometime now, some of you reading this may know this part of my story and others may not even know nothing about it. But I'm writing this in hopes to encourage some one out there who has lost a father, whether it be a biological father, step father, adopted father, or maybe a man who was like a father figure in your life. Believe me when I say this... I understand your pain. And I know some of you may hear that a lot, but you see I can relate to you because I've been there, I know the feelings and emotions you go through, the questions the "why, what if, how, etc...", questions that nobody seems to have an answer for. I'm not here to try to give you an answer to those questions... what I'm here for is to tell you that you are not fatherless. You might think that I'm crazy but when I'm finished I promise you that you'll understand. 

You may not have a physical earthly father but you DO have a heavenly Father. Psalms 68:5 says "God in His holy dwelling is a father of the fatherless..." (HCSB) For a long time I didn't really grasp the understanding of this verse, but as I matured in my faith I've gotten a better understanding of it.

I grew up in the church, I was raised in a Christian home with biblical standards and teachings, knowing that there is a God. A God Who loves me, Who is always there for me, Who won't ever abandon me or leave me, Who is full of power and strength, Who is able to move mountains, heal the sick, the lame and the blind. There was no doubt in my mind that God couldn't do any or even more of those miraculous things... I was at church almost every day with my family, I knew every Sunday school song from "Father Abraham" to "Read your Bible pray everyday.." I was a beast at all them songs, I knew them all.  My dad made sure we were all dressed every Sunday or any other day the church was open so that we could get there on time. My dad was a man of faith, he was also my best friend, my hero, my hiding place, my place of safety, my everything. I was very close to him, and I was and forever will be his baby girl/daddy's girl ♡

I was nine years old when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer, being so young and not knowing what it was only that my dad was getting weaker and weaker. For months I would spend time in prayer for my dad to be healed; and God answered my prayer. I had soooo much faith in God that I could've walked on water (not literally) lol, but little did I know that the day would come when the cancer would come back worse than before and my dad would soon be gone from me and my family forever. I remember praying for months again just like I did years before, I spent countless nights up crying to God, pleading to heal my dad once again. But this time there was no healing...

My dad passed a few months before my twelfth birthday. I was not myself that day. I remember at the hospital sitting in the waiting room that day waiting to go see and visit my dad when I heard weeping and sobbing in the hallway outside the door. I knew something was wrong but I couldn't make out the sounds of those cries because I never heard them before. But I knew the time had come, I tried to avoid the noise and fight the feelings because I just knew God was gonna answer my prayers once again because I knew that He was a God that could do anything until I saw the look on my pastor's face. As our pastor lead us to the comforting room I tried to hold back the tears because I didn't want to believe that the God that I knew all about, the God that I pray to, the God that I worship, the God that is supposed to be my healer let my prayers slip through His hands. As they tried to explain to my younger sisters and I the death of our father tears came streaming down my face. I couldn't understand how a God that said that He loved me soooo much could let him die, I just couldn't comprehend that. And because of that I grew so angry and bitter towards God, I was mad at Him for allowing that to happen for years. My dad wasn't the only thing that I lost that day... on that day my hope, faith, trust, and everything else crumbled, my world was literally upside down and changed forever. As years went by I started to get numb to the world, I felt like dying. I started trying to fill that emptiness/void, that God sized hole with everything else but God. Throughout this time of my dad's sickness I went through a lot of things that caused me to lose trust in God, things that I couldn't imagine having to go through.

I used to despise father's day because it was a reminder of someone that I didn't have here with me anymore, all the father's day cards, posts and pics and not being able to wake up on that day and say "happy father's day daddy" only made me hurt more inside. I remember crying out to God and asking all these questions but the main one I asked was " Why?", "WHY GOD??!" Have you ever gotten to a point in your life where you're just like 'why GOD, WHY??!' I've been there done that several times in my life but sometimes I realized that I needed to sit back and ask God "what is it that you are trying to teach me through this?" or "God show me the reason for this happening", or better yet "God where are you in this...?" and then listen and wait and be quiet enough to hear His voice. You may not get an answer right away or even years later but He will reveal it to you when the time is right. I still don't fully understand why my dad had to pass but I trust God enough to believe that EVERYTHING is done according to His perfect plan. The bible says God knew us before He formed us in our mother's womb ~ Jeremiah 1:5, then in Ephesians 1:11 He says that He already chose us to be His own children just like the plan He had.
Then it says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." You see it's all about having faith and trust in God, that is how I made it through these past few years. I cant give you an exact answer to why it happened, neither can your pastor(s), mentors, friends. You have to trust that God works ALL things out for the good -Romans 8:28. We will never understand God, or the way God sets things up and into place because His ways are higher than ours, His thoughts are higher than ours too, so no amount of thinking and researching will we be able to fully comprehend the plan(s) of God.

Even throughout my bitterness God continued to call me and shower me in His love, a LOVE I will never be able to understand. A LOVE that said, "I'm going to die for you even though you hate me and are angry with me, even though you push me away, and reject me..." God is calling for you, I don't know who you are or where you are in life but God wants to be that father to you. He desires to be that heavenly Father and draw near to you, you just have to call on Him and trust Him that He's working things out for your good. Psalm 145:18 says: "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." God is waiting for you to turn around and call on Him! You don't have to do it alone, that's what I thought, don't be like me bitter and waiting years to call on Him when He's been there all along waiting patiently until finally I reached out and called His name. He longs to be your father He will NEVER leave you nor forsaken you -Deuteronomy 31:6 that is His promise to us.

As I was writing I felt to write this... Some of you don't know how important a father's role is in a child's life is, especially a girl's life (no matter the age). You see it's pretty easy to take for granted the things that you have but when it's gone that's when you realize what you had. And I write this with tears in my eyes because some of you take for granted your fathers who are still living; you ignore, mistreat, block, push away...etc.  It makes me think of some of our relationships with God our father and it's really sad because I used to do that to God. I would push Him away thinking that He was the reason/cause for my dad's death, but He wasn't, sin was... because when sin entered the world so did death, disease, hurt, pain, murder all these different types of bad things. That is why God had to send His one and only son to save us/redeem us from sin so that we can live eternally with Him. But back to what I was saying is that you only get one father in this life and I know some of them might have caused you pain, hurt you, rejected you, abused you, neglected you, etc... I personally never had to experience that type of pain from a father but my heart and prayers go out to those of you that did, and I want to encourage you to forgive them and cherish them because you never know when their time on earth will be done. you're not forgiving them to give them power, you're forgiving them for your freedom. I'm not saying forgive them and allow them to keep on hurting you, abusing you, or rejecting you if that is the case... But I'm saying to forgive them and lay that burden of hurt, pain, and rejection at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to mend and restore that relationship, but most importantly pray for your dad and allow God's will to be done in that relationship.

I'm not going to sit here and act like I understand why God allowed it to happen because I don't and I know that losing anyone that you love and care about is like going through hell but I also know that through it all He was thinking of me and you. NO one will ever be able to replace my dad or your dad and years from now it will still hurt like it was that day. BUT one thing I know for sure is that we have a MIGHTY Heavenly Father who cares for us, provides for us, protects us, heals us, shed His precious blood for us, and DIED AND ROSE AGAIN FOR US! I could go on and on about all the goodness and faithfulness that God has shown me over the years and throughout the hard/good times in my life. I have joy just knowing that one day I will be united with my dad again :) So be encouraged and know that you are not alone and you are NOT fatherless, rest assured because your father is the King of KINGS and Lord of LORDS! He is ALWAYS with you and will NEVER leave you or forsake you... Trust His plan for your life, trust Him through the dark times, He is FAITHFUL!

Love you all SO very much,
Joy J. <3